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Author Topic: It's been a very strange and strained month.  (Read 4185 times)

Dreamer

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It's been a very strange and strained month.
« on: May 17, 2013, 03:18:25 pm »
Well, I just began level 5 this morning. The first level with music. I went in tense and finishes with a sense of relief.

The last month began with a number of new thoughts and ideas revealing themselves to me and was getting very excited about what I was learning. My daughter was also going through an emotional melt down at the same time, and while I tried to support her, I also attempted to push myself into finding more links to my puzzle. It all became too much too fast and I went into a state of overwhelm and reached the point of lesser returns. The more I found, the less any of it meant. Part of that was also caused by the fact that none of what I was finding, learning, was helping my daughter cope. I know the only one I can change is me, and that she didn't want to change herself, but the world around her, and all I could do was watch. A bit of tough love was required, so I didn't jump in to attempt to smooth her path.

I continued to listen to level 4, albeit irregularly.

As soon as my daughter seemed to find her path, my partner's son hit the first of his crises points. My partner jumped in and tried to help, but when someone does not want help there isn't much you can do. So my partner became very frustrated, and his son just has problem after problem hitting him down. I have reached a point where I am beginning to believe that the son's girlfriend honestly is trying to push him into committing suicide, and I'm worried she may succeed.

So, toward the beginning of the month my relationship with my daughter was strained, and my relationship with my partner was strained as he did not agree with how I was handling my daughter. As soon as that got better, his son started having problems and the relationship between my partner and myself got worse. Somehow we stumbled through and now I am doing better - though still indulging in sugar cravings (at least it isn't smoking, drinking or drugs), my daughter is doing better - though she still worries me, and my partner is doing better - though his son still worries him. His son, on the other hand, had his chain yanked once again and may still be heading toward suicide.

That is enough for now. I will try to be  back on a regular basis for a while.

Blessings to all

Dreamer
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

Infinite

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2013, 01:44:46 am »
Welcome back!  It has been a bit lonely in here without you.  Other than a few posts from Michael, I've been mostly talking to myself....

From your timelines, it seems like you did not spend much time on level 4 this second time around.  As of April 29, you were still on level 3, now you are on 5!  I have just started level 4 this week, and am curious why you chose to go through so fast this time.

Clearly there is much strife surrounding you.  Do you feel BrainEv has helped?  Are you handling things better than you would have prior to round 1 of BrainEv?  Are you handling things better than you would have prior to round 2?

I am sorry to hear about your partner's son.  I hope he will be alright.  Sometimes people push others towards suicide because they do not know how to properly handle someone else's depression.  I know, as I have been there, thinking I could reason or argue them out of their irrational thinking patterns, and just making them feel worse.  On the other hand, ultimately your partner's son is responsible for choosing his own path.  An analogy is two people in a car.  One is driving, the other is giving directions.  The one giving directions says, "Drive straight off that cliff."  The driver does.  Who is responsible for the car going off the cliff?

Best Regards,
Infinite

Dreamer

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2013, 01:34:02 pm »
Hello Infinite,

I really didn't pay attention to how long I was on level four. The first time through I found four to be my favorite level, calming down from being in an agitated state. This time through my stress was very different, different causes and different reactions, so instead of feeling calmed, it seemed like it was taking my sense of overwhelm and lack of direction and spinning it into a state of real depression. So, with a little nudge from the universe (one day I could not get level four to play on any device) I decided it was time to move up.

I've told people going through the first time, if you want to stay on a level for more than four weeks, go ahead, listen to your inner self, it will let you know when it is time to move on. Well, my inner self told me it was time to move on, and the major change from yesterday to today lets me know it was the right decision.

Quote
Clearly there is much strife surrounding you.  Do you feel BrainEv has helped?  Are you handling things better than you would have prior to round 1 of BrainEv?  Are you handling things better than you would have prior to round 2?

Things have surely been crazy here, but to answer your questions. Yes, I think Brain Ev really helped. I feel I am handling things pretty well, all things considered. I am fairly certain I am handling them better than I would have before round 2, and before round one I think I would have been ready for a stress unit myself, either screaming at everyone or completely withdrawn.

I'm hoping things are going better for my partner's son. Only time will tell.

I think I am still a bit depressed. Or perhaps it is something else. I have no interest in watching television, no interest in reading fiction, and have pretty much lost interest in trolling the web. What I consider a possible problem is, I seem to be unable to read things I am interested it either. But instead of sitting on the couch and becoming increasingly withdrawn, I am at loose ends wondering what I should be doing, but knowing I should be doing something. Well, right now I should be doing laundry, so I will get back to it.

Blessed BeDreamer
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

Dreamer

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2013, 12:16:00 pm »
Three days in on my second week of Round five (having pretty much skipped over round four). Things seem much more balanced around me. The situation where I work is becoming strange as everyone else seems to be stressed about things, but I'm not having any problems. The home front is stable, in some ways. My daughter reached her breaking point and checked herself into a stress unit last night. We are not sure how long she will be there, but I doubt if it will be more than a week. Partner's son had a complete melt-down yesterday and ended up spending the entire day in bed. Usually that would bring up tension between my partner and myself, but this time it isn't. He came to the realization that my daughter wants help and his son does not.

I'm feeling good about things and doing Level five first thing in the morning has been making my entire day go better. Now my biggest worry is my daughter's dog. He misses her and my partner and I are not used to taking care of him. He did sleep at the foot of our bed last night without much problem, but I can tell he misses his 'mommy.'

Dreamer
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

Infinite

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #4 on: May 26, 2013, 01:10:58 am »
I'm happy for you that your biggest worry is the dog!

Dreamer

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2013, 08:06:12 pm »
Infinite,

I didn't realize it, but you are right, my biggest worry was the dog. Daughter was discharged after two nights, and she is feeling a lot better. Still problems ahead, but she seems better prepared. Son seems to be getting his act together, but I am still in a wait and see stance on that front.

Finances are troubling my partner at this point, but I am not worried as I have faith that everything will work out.

My own little diatribe follows: I hate the word 'hope' and it really did belong in Pandora's box with the rest of the negative emotions. If you hope for something, all too often it indicates that you are lacking something and that is where you are vibrating at. So while it all sounds good to hope for something all you are attracting is more lack of that thing. Personally I have chosen to quit "hoping" for anything. Either I have faith or I don't and will continue to work until I have faith.

Done now.

Loving level five. Feeling so much better than I have in a long time, despite all the stuff going on around me. I have come to realize I believe in GOD (Gratitude Opens Doors).

Dreamer
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

Infinite

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #6 on: May 28, 2013, 01:56:14 am »
Just  a quick thought:  Interesting that you mention the "vibration" of hope vs. faith.  I see "faith" and "believing" as the same, and have been reading lately about the difference in "vibration" of believing vs. knowing.  Believing being just a stronger shade of hope as by necessity it still contains doubt.  I say by necessity, because if there was no doubt of it, you would simply "know" it to be true.

Best Regards,
Infinite

Dreamer

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2013, 10:19:07 pm »
Interesting comment on semantics. I would love to know what you are reading. I agree "faith" and "belief" are the same, and can somewhat agree that either one COULD be considered a stronger shade of hope. The "could," at least for me, is determined by what the focus of the hope is on. That's probably not the best way to describe my thoughts, so I will go back to what I said before. All too often when one "hopes" for something, one is focused on the lack of that something being there, or one is focused on the doubt of whether the hope will come to fruition. Then, by the law of attraction, the level of one's vibration will bring more lack and more doubt.

Faith, belief, these hold little room for doubt and one is focused on the certainty of a particular outcome. When I see a flower bud, I have faith that it will bloom. Do I "know" that it will bloom? No. Insects or a dozen other things could happen to prevent that, but I operate on faith. I have a sign that says "To plant a  garden is to believe in the future." Belief, I think, is "knowing" without proof. Interesting thought.

Daughter has been home a couple of days. She was doing better yesterday than she has been today - in some ways, but is better today in other ways. Partner's son had a golden opportunity fall in his lap yesterday, but today is starting to get cold feet. Kind of going into that hope vs faith thing we were talking about.

As for me, going through level five is bringing me such a state of peace that many of the little things that used to irritate me no longer bother me at all. Those things that used to make me angry, may cause a sense of unease for a while, but I can rid myself of the unease with just a bit of breathing.

Blessings
Dreamer
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

Infinite

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2013, 01:45:40 pm »
I've just been reading some e-mail messages from Andy Shaw and his 5 free chapters from abugfreemind.com.  And I've been looking into the "Crack Your Egg" program.

I agree on the difference between hope and faith.  That's why I said faith is a stronger shade, because there is much more doubt in hope, and not so much in faith.

Interesting definition of belief.  I have always heard "faith" defined as belief without knowing.

When you see a flower bud, you do "know" from experience that it will bloom under certain conditions.  You may have "faith" that those conditions will prevail, but even that is still based on odds from personal experience.  You also "know" there's a chance that something will happen and it will not bloom.

You have "faith" that I am experiencing personal struggles.  You "know" that your daughter is.

Okay, out of time for today :)

Dreamer

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2013, 09:00:28 pm »
Hello Infinite,

Sorry for the delay,  but things continue to be chaotic beyond belief. My partner occasionally accuses me of not caring because I don't get upset or flustered by any of this. I try to explain that getting upset and flustered would not help the situation at all, but remaining calm does help look for solutions.

I knew the flower bud was a bad analogy when I wrote it. Let me put forth this example. I used to work in a store at a shopping mall. After the first few months I knew where my parking space was, the forth slot from the end on row 7. After that, no matter what time I came to work or how crowded the parking lot was, my slot was empty and waiting for me. Once, during the Christmas rush, I pulled into the lot and saw a car in my space. I took a breath and assured myself that it would be vacant by the time I got there. Sure enough, the other driver was pulling out of the space just as I was reaching it, so I had no trouble parking in my space. There was no doubt. So was that faith or knowing?

Also I remember reading somewhere that if one sees what appears to be a cliff edge but is assured there is a 100% chance of a safe landing almost everyone is willing to jump. Change that to a 95% chance of a safe landing and virtually no one will jump.

Just thoughts.

I tried some of the on-line samples of "crack your egg" as the creators were preparing it for publication. I thought they were wonderful and purchased the program as soon as it was available. Then, promptly forgot about it as I began Brain EV for the first time. I think it is a worthy investment, and I know when I find the time I need to get back to it again.

I've also stumbled onto a book "Choosing Easy World," which I have been finding pretty amazing.

As implied, I am continuing through level five. I am at peace with myself in a way I don't remember ever being before. Solutions to my difficulties have been appearing as quickly as they are needed. My schedule at work is insane, and tends to bother my daughter and partner much more than it bothers me. I have just been allowing things to unfold in their own time.

Blessings
Dreamer
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

Infinite

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #10 on: June 05, 2013, 03:34:22 am »
Hi Dreamer,

I have suffered similar accusations as you with regards to, "not caring" for similar reasons.  The ability to detach can be good, but I find I've become too detached, such that I think I miss out on much of the enjoyment of life.  Many "spiritual" teachings present this as a desired state and I feel by having fallen for this in the past, I have to a large extent forgotten how to 'feel' easily.  By this I mean, yes, I can still be happy, angry, sad, etc... but it generally takes large things for me to experience these feelings (such as my marriage difficulties, ironically partially driven by this detachment) and I have lamented it for some time.  That is one thing I like about "Crack Your Egg" so far... it calls this extreme a form of escapism, and promotes a middle ground.  If only I had been given such advice long ago....  I am progressing slowly with the program this week as work has been very intense, but hope to get more into it soon.

As for your parking space, I think you had faith in it.  It seems you did have doubt (albeit a very small one), or else you would not had to assure yourself of it.  But rather than continue to argue semantics, I think we can both agree that when it comes to "manifestation", generally the higher your belief in the certainty of an outcome, the more likely you are to create it.

I am glad to hear you are finding peace and solutions.  I hope this continues for you.

Best Regards,
Infinite


Dreamer

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #11 on: June 05, 2013, 10:01:01 am »
Hi Infinite,

I can understand how extreme detachment can cause a lot of the problems it claims to solve. For me, it wasn't a matter of trying to attain spiritual detachment, rather a case of very severe depression and had me detached from everything. I could sit in the living room for hours doing nothing more than stare at the walls. That was over fifteen years ago.

Since then I've learned that I am clinically depressed, more of a biological problem than a mental one, so when the mental difficulties arise I can spiral down in a hurry. This means I've had to learn to identify my own subtle emotions better, tho I don't display them well, so I can keep myself positive much of the time. I have also learned, on my own through trial and error, that certain foods will effect my emotional level so I try to keep a close watch on what I eat.

Trying to keep unhelpful emotions at bay without becoming too detached is a narrow road to follow, and not always easy. I am as likely to fall off one side as the other. The situation on the home front is still quite volatile. There have been some on-going problems that have to be stopped, and that may require drastic action. Basically, I may have to ask my partner to move out, which I really don't want to do, but if he continues his unacceptable behaviors it will have to be done.

I cannot recommend Crack Your Egg strongly enough, even though I have only scratched the surface of it. I am going to dig back in when I complete my round of Brain Ev.

I think I will miss level five when my month is done. Pretty sure I will pop back to level four for a couple of weeks before going up to level six. 

Blessings to all
Dreamer
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

expandedme

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #12 on: June 06, 2013, 04:30:27 pm »
Infinite,

I didn't realize it, but you are right, my biggest worry was the dog. Daughter was discharged after two nights, and she is feeling a lot better. Still problems ahead, but she seems better prepared. Son seems to be getting his act together, but I am still in a wait and see stance on that front.

Finances are troubling my partner at this point, but I am not worried as I have faith that everything will work out.

My own little diatribe follows: I hate the word 'hope' and it really did belong in Pandora's box with the rest of the negative emotions. If you hope for something, all too often it indicates that you are lacking something and that is where you are vibrating at. So while it all sounds good to hope for something all you are attracting is more lack of that thing. Personally I have chosen to quit "hoping" for anything. Either I have faith or I don't and will continue to work until I have faith.

Done now.

Loving level five. Feeling so much better than I have in a long time, despite all the stuff going on around me. I have come to realize I believe in GOD (Gratitude Opens Doors).

Dreamer

wow interesting perspective on the word hope.

Dreamer

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #13 on: June 06, 2013, 09:05:58 pm »
Quote
wow interesting perspective on the word hope.

I have a friend who always "hopes for the best" and always has things get worse. I just looked at the evidence. When reading Law of Attraction materials by anyone it is always stressed to use only positive statements, ie "I want to be financially free" rather than "I want to get out of debt" because with the latter phrase you are thinking about the debt and attracting more debt. When my friend "hopes" for something, what he is thinking about is the fact that the something he is hoping for is lacking and what he attracts is more lack.

Need to get dinner.
BB
Dreamer
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

Infinite

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Re: It's been a very strange and strained month.
« Reply #14 on: June 08, 2013, 01:27:58 am »
Hi Dreamer,

I was going to say I hope things settle down and work out with your partner, but maybe I shouldn't send that "hope vibration" your way! :P   So instead I will send the vibration of knowing that everything will work out for the best in the end, regardless of any short term pain to get there.

Another thing to think about "Law of Attraction"-wise; I've also heard it said you should not make your positive statements ones of "want", otherwise what you attract is more "wanting" instead of getting.  I think it is generally recommended by the "experts" that you frame things in the present tense: "I AM financially free."  You may need to frame it differently or work up to it so your subconscious can accept it, but the basic idea is to cultivate the consciousness that can bring about the desired results.

Best Regards,
Infinite

 





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